Through out my life I have met people with problems. We all have them. How we handle them is where we differ. This year I have had several people come to me with their problems who have asked for substantial favors but have expressed very little regard for me in the same breath. I was thinking about all of this and realized many of the problems are similar. I really think the solution to issues are how how we handle them.
I have found the people to ask for imposing favors tend to have these things in common:
1. They believe they have worked for everything in life and no one has helped them. They do not appreciate the people who have given them a boost.
2. They believe they have lived a more difficult existence then the people around them. They see people who have overcome adversity and minimize that person’s ambition or assume that person has gotten a lucky break.
3. They believe people owe them respect. You can help them but you best not treat them like a charity case while doing so.
4. They are in denial about the severity and true nature of their problems.They think its just a minor fix that they don’t need to prioritize or put a lot of effort into.
5. They believe that every aspect of their lives is out of their control and they are just a vessel being kicked around my some larger supernatural force.They couldn’t possibly be the cause for this train wreck they call life.
6. They are unwilling to take responsibility and be honest about their character weaknesses. They believe people who show generosity and kindness are naive and stupid.
How to solve your problems:
Some may think this part is going to be impossible. The simplicity of the plan will infuriate them. If problems were so easy to solve they would have to address them and move on. Some people treasure their problems. That is fine. My hope is for a person with a problem will keep coming back to this post until they are ready to make positive changes in their lives.
The first step to solving your problem is to realize you are the problem. Wow, I know. That is harsh but it is true. If your life is not going in the direction you want it to; it is because you are making decisions that are holding you back. Yes there are outside factors that you have no control over, but the ability to separate the things you can and cannot control and realizing you can be proactive avoid chaos is a skill that will give you a strong foothold towards progress.
No one owes you anything. Yes, you are down on your luck and have been for some time. You are used to people providing assistance. What have you done to take their generosity and make your life better? Ask your self if you have been living off these little gestures, waiting for the next instead of making your own progress? Everyone needs a break once and a while its what we do with these random acts of kindness that really determine our success or failure.
There are wants and needs in life. Learn to separate the two. You need good health and well being. These needs need to be placed above your wants in life. It is quite fantastic when you are no longer burdened by the material objects around you and are more focused on quality of life. Take a look around you and get all ” MacGyver” on that problem. Maybe you are dumping your resources into wants rather then needs. If you redirect your resources you will stop looking to others for more.
Be honest about the severity of your problems. Are you over weight? Are you up to your eyeballs in debt? Are you emotionally unfulfilled? Putting any of these issues on the back burner will only make it worse. Yes, life will go on but it will be eating away at you the entire time. You will not be able to find quality of life if you do not address issues. The solution often involves forgiveness of your self or another person, being more strict, and being honest about your situation. Putting a little elbow grease into the problem will make the rewards far sweeter.
I am not perfect. I have to stop often and take a look at why I am unhappy and have to remind my self not to continue the illusion that is creating it. Stop looking over the fence contemplating if the neighbor deserves greener grass and start watering your own yard.