A Wandering Soul

Be passionate and unapologetic about what you enjoy in life. Strive for quality of life every single day.

Some people guise dwelling in darkness as awareness. You are in control of your actions. Do something to help your self today. Take care of your self. Take your self out of the negative. You can only find something better if you take steps towards it. You can do it. I know you can. Don’t make your illness your identity.

When fighting depression it is ok to give yourself pleasant indulgences but it is important to make sure they are nothing that will harm you in the long run or make you feel bad after.

Things I have learned to avoid are spending too much money, decadent foods, drinking or anything that will lead to long term problems I will have to dig my self out of later.

Depression’s strongest weapon is isolating you so it can do its worst. Sometimes the door to your room becomes comforting in its limiting nature but you are stuck inside the room with the depression. Step outside. Go to the park or grab a cup of coffee somewhere. You will feel scared at first and really sad but as you walk take notice of pretty things on the way. Interesting architecture, pretty leaves, nice flower pots.

The internet isn’t always a good escape. The internet is unpredictable. If you are like me your brain doesn’t filter things as well as a normal person’s. Having obsessive thoughts are really hard to avoid and in half a second an image can pop up you can’t get out of your head and it will trigger more bad thoughts. A lot of my friends don’t struggle with mental illness and are into morbid or violent television shows. They don’t mind drama in their lives and tend to attract it. You can’t go wrong in nature. Even death and decay can be beautiful there. Fungus on old stumps or beautiful sea shells. The violence of a thunderstorm wont leave you feeling dark and angry.

When I was at my worst I had safe places I would go. The park, the pet store, the woods. I found avoiding interaction with people in these moments were best. Use the time to meditate. If you can’t get out of the house you can escape the door of your room by going to the kitchen and making something yummy. You can doodle even if you are not an artist. People say journaling is good but when I do this I try to write about the good things that happened in the day instead of rehashing what is bothering me.

This week I was having a bit of a hard time with anger. A friend hasn’t been the greatest and I am stressed about the amount of hours my husband has had to work to finish a project. I found discussing these things with him helped. He has a very logical brain. Finding a friend who is logical and deals with problems rationally helps a lot. Some friends like to get worked up into a dramatic lather making the situation much worse. These are not the people you should be seeking when upset.

If there is no one to talk to you can try handling the problem with logic on your own. I have really improved these skills over the years. Don’t get upset about things that didn’t happen. Trying to guess why someone is acting the way they do never works. I have found a lot of people are a bit careless and have no idea they are causing you to be upset. They are just caught up in what ever they are doing that week. If you are having a bad week its not because the cosmos are plotting against you. Life is one up and one down right after another. Sometimes the ups last a really long time sometimes the downs do but it will get better if you set your goals to do whatever is in your control to fix it. You have control over what you bring into your life, your positive or negative perspective on things, how you treat other people and who you allow to be part of your life, how you treat yourself,  and where you are physically. Keep the parts of your life that you have control over moving forward and one day you will look up and see you have reached the end of the tunnel and there is light. 

Imagine if we stopped thinking of God as a person with gender. As a being with an agenda, morality or judgement.

Imagine if we stopped making it something imperfect. Something human that would do what we do.

Imagine if we realized its a force that connects all of us. Its what pushes us in the direction we choose, be it helpful or harmful.

Imagine if we stopped viewing the momentum from this push as validation for our choices. If we stopped believing just because we got away with it, it was right or because we are hurt we did something wrong.

Imagine if we all paused in life to look at what we are contributing instead of passing judgement on others. If we realized that the fate of our soul rests in how we have treated others and the condition we have left them in once we have moved on.

Imagine finding peace in all of this.

Treating yourself the way you want others to treat you is a good plan too.

When someone is diagnosed with cancer or had a heart attack they pause. They rethink their values. They change their diet. They start exercising. They slow down at work and start doing the things in life they always wanted to.

Depression is also a life threatening illness. We need to start treating it the same way as these other illnesses. When you are diagnosed with depression slow down. Start thinking about your quality of life. Change your diet. Start exercising. Alleviate the stress in your life. The only priority is you. All of those outside priorities will carry on just fine because there are millions of people who put the outside as a priority before themselves. They think it makes them important and invaluable but as you and I know when you have depression you stop and everything keeps going. We know what is important and that is the inside. The inner workings of our daily life that no one sees.

Though it is hard to see, this is a gift. It is what in the long run will awaken us if we chose to embrace it. Finding gratification with out the approval of others gives strength. Improving the day to day inner workings of life brings inner peace and great reward. If things feel chaotic stop. Give yourself time. Give yourself whatever you need to reorganize your life. Don’t take it all on at once. Maybe start with your desk you are sitting at right now. Organize that space and make it a little better to spend time at. De-clutter your surroundings. Clean out your fridge and cupboards. Simplify your diet, your possessions, your commitments. I am not talking unhealthy OCD organization either. The whole point is to simplify so you can start dedicating your resources to healing your mind.

When you have control over your surroundings you can start to organize your mind easier. Meditation is a great way to de-clutter the mind. Putting energy into physical activity helps clear your thoughts and give you the feel good chemicals you need. You are now in control of your life, your health and well being. It can’t be done all at once. Like cancer and heart disease it takes time and a lot of work but you will be grateful when you realized a year has passed and seen all of the progress you have made.